This has been such a shitty year. I try to find the happy times and “accentuate the positive” but some days it’s nearly impossible. More often I find myself detailing the year’s tragedies. It’s in my nature to throw pity parties for myself, I suppose. When I started this blog, I wanted to detail my cooking adventures and even some of the inevitable failures those adventures would bring. But it doesn’t seem to be working out that way. I’ve used it as a tribute to two amazing friends, Chris & Candy. And I’ve wanted to talk about losing my Daddy but after nearly seven months that wound is still too tender.
In February, the same week we buried Daddy, my doctor (endocrinologist) recommended weight loss surgery. Emotional wreck doesn’t even begin to describe the state I was in even before that conversation. I’ve always struggled with my weight. And by struggled, I mean I ate what I wanted and watched my ass expand whilst complaining about it periodically. Okay, I wasn’t a completely sedentary creature. Marching band in high school, rugby in college and regular workouts in college too but I was never at a healthy weight. I was in better shape sure, but always overweight. After the appointment, I sat in the parking lot and cried. Tears for Dad or for my fat ass, did it really matter which one? Twenty-five is too young for weight loss surgery, right? I kept thinking, “am I really THAT fat?” I knew even then that I didn’t want the surgery but it hurt to have it RECOMMENDED to me.
It took some time before I finally made a conscious / consistent / determined effort to change my habits, my lifestyle. Since the beginning of August, I’ve documented every single thing I’ve eaten. SparkPeople is an amazing resource for weight loss and general health; I use it every day. I’m making, at the moment, a less-than-diligent effort to exercise but that will improve as I get into the swing of this semester. So now I think it’s time for this blog to change too. Do I need a new name? Does “Semi Domestic Goddess” still fit?
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